last year...

... around this time, I was staring at this sweet face:

and thinking these thoughts:

 Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I’m waiting for you! I’ve been reading up. Trying to get ready. I think I’m already ready for you to talk. So you can say, “Hi mama, I’m ready to go with you now.” And I’ll say,” What a great idea, Lucy. Let’s hit it.” If you can’t tell, I’m a little delirious over the prospect of meeting you. Oh Lucy, I can’t wait!

 

I need you here with me, little one. I am SO thankful that you are where my adventures with God have led me. I followed Him all around this world, and he’s blessed me with you. I’ve wanted a daughter (especially one from Africa) for a looooonnng time. I thought it would just be a dream of mine, but you’re real, and you’re getting closer and closer to being here with me, my buddy, quite literally my dream come true!

Lucy, you’re teaching me so much about God. I love you (so much, already, you know). I’m shocked that I can possibly love you this much before I’ve actually held you. But I do, Lucy. I have been reading about how God loves us in Ephesians. It says he settled on us as the focus of his love long looong ago. He chose us, chose to adopt us through Christ. And he took great pleasure in planning it. Those words made my brain doing a little schwing schwang: Lucy, as much as I love you and as much joy as thinking about you and planning your adoption has given me, God loves us more and enjoys adopting us more. My brain was already stretched to understand how I love you (so much, already) and to go beyond that is, well, just plain un- imanigable. Unimaginably good. How wise and clever of God to use you to help me know how very much He loves me (loves all of us). He’s good, Lucy, so good.