May 21, 2014

A few things that are concerning me about my life the past 24 hours

A few things that are concerning me about my life the past 24 hours:
  • I have killed 2 spiders in my bathroom.  Yuck!  My crocks are lethal weapons to insects.
  • There is a bad smell coming from my fridge.
  • I spent 1.5 hours in a large super-store with two wound-up toddlers waiting for 2 new tires.
  • A and Lucy decided it was lots of fun to make as much noise as they could... in said large super-store.  And A figured out how to spit long-distance.
  • We had dinner at the sandwich shop there and I killed a bug on our table.  ON THE TABLE.  They only gave us one napkin (really?!  I have 2 small kiddos here!) so I just slid the bug carcass off the table with the edge of the sandwich wrapper...which we then used as a plate.  Bon appetit!
  • I spent 58 dollars more than was quoted me.  I asked what the extra charges were and was told, "$3 for a valve, and $1 for a new tire."  I asked again and this answer (which makes no sense and definitely doesn't add up to 58 dollars) was repeated.  I was so desperate to leave that I just said, "Okay," and hit the road.
  • I identified the smell from the fridge--raw chicken, long forgotten and gone bad.  And it's still there because:
  • I am held captive in my home by two little people.  One who runs into the road, limiting our trips to the car while she's awake and one who wakes up all the live-long day after she's been tucked in and freaks out if I'm not there, limiting my trips to the car when she's in bed.
  • A had a diaper emergency when I had no diapers, so we used a pull-up.  Score!
  • The pull-up removal process with a large, squirmy 18 month old is trickier than I expected, and a solid little "surprise" ended up in. my. LAP.  I screamed and made what apparently was the funniest face in all history.  2 girls in hysterics (who are supposed to be getting all chilled out for bed-time).
  • While dealing with the afore-mentioned "surprise" deposited on my jeans, a centipede scurried about under my leg.  With lightning-like reflexes, and without smearing poo anywhere it had not previously been smeared, I nailed it with my croc.
  • I had been tossing tiny dirty clothes into the open washing machine since yesterday, and this morning I stripped A's bed after a leaky diaper and tossed it all in, too.  It was super-full, but I started it up--working at keeping things running and avoiding total chaos.  Score!
  • We had to make an emergency stop at ANOTHER store because all of a sudden we were out of toilet paper, even on the laundry room shelf where there are usually extra rolls.
  • After A was tucked in, Lucy and I read a book on the couch.  I had my ankle propped up on my opposite knee, and all of a sudden, I notice that Lucy is licking (licking!) the length of the bottom of my crocs (you know, the bug-slaying ones).
  • I started to change the laundry after everyone was finally in bed (remember, the totally full load of tiny clothing and bedding) and I heard something plasticky in there while I was reaching in to get the clothes.  It was the plastic wrapper of the remaining roll of toilet paper, which must have fallen off the shelf and into the washer and had gone through the wash cycle with all the clothes.  They are all covered in a linty sheen of Quilted Northern. 
Black pants, after the T.P. travesty.
Lord help us!  I'm one bug carcass and/or one bodily-fluid-related incident from losing it, and if you see me tomorrow, I very well may be coated with tiny fragments of toilet paper.  Good night!

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